THE CINEMA OF TODD HAYNES TOLD THROUGH IMAGES & STILLS

You can be a smarty-pants director, but that won`t matter if the movie doesn't work emotionally as well as intellectually - Todd Haynes

I just finished reading "All That Heaven Allows: The Cinema Of Todd Haynes" and i can honestly say i have a new outlook on his body of work. Half of the content was old news to me but the other half kinda opened my eyes to things I'd never thought about before like the connections between the 3 completely different stories in 'Poison', the choice of colors in 'Far From Heaven' (a movie I'm not crazy about, but still watch from time to time), Carol's "sickness" in 'Safe', etc. In addition to the book, i recently bumped in to John Cameron Mitchell, another director who, like Haynes, often explores homosexuality in film. He noticed me holding the book (which actually mentions him) and we ended up having a 20 minute conversation about Haynes' work (specifically 'Safe') and he brought up a few things that I had never thought about before as well. Todd Haynes is one of those directors who, with only a few films spanning well over 2 decades, has been able to develop a style in which you can look at one of his movies and go; "Todd Haynes must have directed this" without needing to see his name in the credits. All of his films still connect with one another in some fashion from his first ('Superstar') to his latest ('Mildred Pierce'), which is what we're gonna look at right now...

COLORFUL IMAGERY:

You can always count on beautiful imagery in Haynes' films. For a director who works in black & white quite often ('I'm not here' and parts of 'poison' & 'dottie gets spanked'), Todd Haynes has an amazing eye for color. In the 90's Haynes, Hal Hartley and Todd Solondz were often grouped together or always mentioned in the same articles or interviews because of their similar use of colors in films like; 'Welcome To The Dollhouse' & 'Happiness' (solondz), 'Henry Fool' (hartley) and 'Safe' & 'Velvet Goldmine' (haynes). Their work went on to influence directors like Greg Araki, Miranda July, Tom Kalin and plenty more.

Poison

Safe

Velvet Goldmine

Velvet Goldmine

Velvet Goldmine

Velvet Goldmine

Far From Heaven

Far From Heaven

Far From Heaven

Carol

Carol

Wonderstruck

TELEVISION:

A common theme in Haynes' work is the importance of the television. In most of his films there's some important discovery that the characters find while watching TV. In 'Velvet Goldmine' when Christian Bale sees Brian Slade's first press conference on the news he imagines himself jumping up and down pointing to the TV shouting; "THAT'S ME, THAT'S ME!" because until then, he hadn't seen an openly homosexual/bi-sexual celebrity on television that he could relate too. In 'Safe', Carol (Julianne Moore) sees a commercial for the wrenwood retreat (a medical center made up people with the same sickness as her) that she eventually goes to live with. And Haynes' short film 'Dottie Gets Spanked' is all about a young boy's fascination with a TV character modeled after Lucile Ball...

Dottie Gets Spanked

Safe

Safe

Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story

Velvet Goldmine

SPANKING:

Spanking is another common theme in his earlier work from the beginning ('superstar') up until the mid 90's ('dottie gets spanked'). He recently revisited this theme on his HBO mini series 'Mildred Pierce'. All That Heaven Allows... mentions this a lot and the Freudian/sexual undertones behind it...

Poison

Dottie Gets Spanked

Dottie Gets Spanked

Superstar (sorry for the quality of this picture)

Mildred Pierce

INFLUENCES & INSPIRATIONS

Persona / Carol

In The Mood For Love / Carol

Mulholland Drive / Carol

Red Desert / Safe

Persona / Safe

Ali Feer Eats The Soul / Far From Heaven

Raging Bull / Far From Heaven

Blue Is The Warmest Color / Carol

The Silence / Wonderstruck

Jeanna Dielman / Safe

Querelle / Poison

Ali Feer Eats The Soul / Poison

SICKNESS:

From real illnesses like AIDS (the "Horror" segment in 'Poison') and Anorexia ('Superstar') to vague illnesses like "environmental sickness" ('Safe') which could also be seen as mental illness because Carol's disease in 'Safe' could be all in her head, Todd Haynes has a fascination with sickness. Even in 'Far From Heaven' Dennis Quaid and Julianne Moore treat Quaid's homosexuality like a disease and he sees a doctor to try and "cure it". 

You see...once, a long time ago...i had, um, problems. 

The way Quaid talks about his homosexuality is as if he once had cancer and it was in remission but now its come back. This is similar to the Kurt Wilde character in 'Velvet Goldmine' (which is a character based off of Lou Reed and Iggy Pop) where we see a flashback of him as a child getting electroshock therapy to "cure" his homosexuality (something that apparently really happened to Lou Reed as a kid). There's always the presence of a doctor, medication or some kind of a treatment in his films...

Safe

Superstar

Poison

Velvet Goldmine

Far From Heaven

Wonderstruck

REPRESSED/CONFUSED/COMPLICATED SEXUALITY:

Todd Haynes, who is gay, doesn't just explore homosexuality, but repressed homosexuality to be exact. Other gay directors like Rainer Werner Fassbinder and Gus Van Sant (both influences on Haynes' work) who almost always have gay characters in their films, don't often show homosexuality as the "issue" of the film. Homosexuality and homosexual relationships in their films are often shown just like heterosexual relationships. With Todd Haynes its a little different. He still focuses on homosexuality as an "issue". In any of his films where we have a gay character (which is almost all of them), we see them fighting their homosexual urges and trying to hide it like Steven in 'Dottie Gets Spanked', Christian Bale in 'Velvet Goldmine', Dennis Quaid in 'Far From Heaven' and the John Broom character in 'Poison'.

Poison

Dottie Gets Spanked

Velvet Goldmine

Far From Heaven

Carol

REMAKES, ADAPTATIONS & TRUE STORIES:

Usually directors like Haynes who put their unique signature or specific "look" on things (like Tim Burton)  aren't the best candidates for an adaptation or a true story, but Haynes seems to make it work. He's made films based on the lives of Bob Dylan, Karen Carpenter and David Bowie. Adapted work from author Jean Genet, and has done remakes of Douglas Sirk's 'All That Heaven Allows' ('Far From Heaven') and 'Mildred Pierce'.

All That Heaven Allows / Far From Heaven

Far From Heaven (in this film Haynes gets a black actor to portray the Rock Hudson role from Sirk's  'All That Heaven Allows)

All That Heaven Allows

Velvet Goldmine

Brian Eno

I'm Not There

Bob Dylan

Excerpt from Jean Genet's writing which Haynes adapts in 'Poison'

Wonderstruck

Poison

Karen Carpenter

Carol

FISHING WITH JOHN: SEASON THREE

The more of these i do the more I'm starting to think that John Lurie should take Kevin Bacon's place as the "6 Degrees of..." guy. Season 3 of Fishing With John probably has the most diverse lineup yet, with guests ranging from talk show hosts to semi-militant black directors. It would get such great ratings that the show would go on to be signed for 2 more imaginary seasons. And just like the last one (fishing with john: season two) we're going to keep within the time period that season 3 would have taken place (probably around 1994).


EPISODE 301: Arto Lindsay

Arto Linday (far left) w/ John Lurie (middle) in The Lounge Lizards


Relationship/Connection:
1. The Lounge Lizards
2. Both make appearances in 'Downtown 81' & 'Desperatley Seeking Susan'


I figured we'd start season 3 off with a guest that's not all that recognizable (Arto Lindsay) but is still an important figure in the world of music (experimental/punk/noisy/john zorn-ish/new york city artsy music to be exact). But don't worry, we've still got plenty of well known people lined up for season 3. Lindsay has collaborated with everyone from Daivd Byrne to hip-hop artist Beans and of course was the front man for the band DNA. His music has been featured on the soundtracks of 'Downtown 81' and 'Blue In The Face', he makes a cameo appearance in 'Desperatley Seeking Susan' (along with John Lurie and a few others) and was a fixture in the new york city art scene of the 80's. In this episode John Lurie and his former bandmate Lindsay would travel to some random place in Brazil and after they were done fishing they'd put on a performance of loud, noisy, punk-influenced jazz music for the confused locals.

EPISODE 302: Harvey Keitel

Keitel & Lurie in 'The Last Temptation'


Relationship/Connection:
1. Have appeared in numerous movies together (The Last Temptation Of Christ, Blue In The Face, Smoke)
2. John Lurie did the soundtrack for a movie Keitel was in (Get Shorty)


Around the time this episode would have aired Harvey Keitel would've been riding high on his early 90's comeback (Reservoir Dogs, Bugsy, Bad Lieutenant, Thelma & Louise and The Piano). 'Smoke' (in which John Lurie has an uncredited role and provided additional music) and 'Pulp Fiction' were on the verge of being released, so Keitel was pretty much the man. Less than a year later Lurie would have a bigger role in the sequel to Smoke; 'Blue In The Face', which also starred Keitel. 

EPISODE 303: Rockets Redglare

Rockets & Lurie in 'Stranger Than Paradise'


Relationship/Connection:
1. Close friends in real life
2. Have been involved in numerous movies together (stranger than paradise, down by law, mystery train, etc)


Some of you may not know Rockets Redglare by name but i can almost guarantee you've seen him in something. Aside from the many independent films he's acted in, he's also been in studio films like 'Desperately Seeking Susan' and 'Big' (remember he was the landlord in the building Tom Hanks lived in). To say Rockets is a "character" is an understatement. He's another guy who emerged from the "No Wave" scene like Steve Buscemi, Vincent Gallo, Jean Michel Basquiat, etc etc. He's also pretty notorious outside of film as he was Syd Vicious' bodyguard at one point. His loud, abrasive, "new york attitude" would be great entertainment. For this episode they would have to get a big boat, as Rockets Redglare was a large fella.

EPISODE 304: Conan O'Brien

John Lurie on Conan in '98


Relationship/Connection:
1. Lurie wrote the theme song for Conan's show and was a musical guest


This might be one of the best ones yet. We've all seen Conan O'Brien go hunting with Hunter S. Thompson so I'm sure he'd be right at home on a fishing show. Judging from the interaction they had with each other on Conan's show (video below), there would clearly be some good chemistry between these 2 and Conan would naturally be a hilarious guest.


EPISODE 305: Billy Martin & John Medski (of Medeski, Martin & Wood)

Billy Martin & John Lurie

Relationship/Connection:

1. Have collaborated on numerous music projects with John Lurie

Growing up in a mostly white liberal college town (and eventually working in an independent record store when i was in high school), it was almost impossible to NOT hear "madeski, martin & wood" mentioned at least 10 times a day, every day. I don't think I've actually listened to a Madeski, Martin & Wood song all the way through because that kinda music treads WAY too close to hippie culture, but for some strange reason i know all about them. Now i am a huge fan of their work with John Lurie and around this time, Medeski Martin & Wood were pretty popular and this would be the first episode with multiple guests

EPISODE 306: Spike Lee

Relationship/Connection:

None that I'm aware of

Much like the season 2  finale with Werner Herzog, there isn't much of a connection between John Lurie and this guest. Although Spike Lee is friends with Jim Jarmusch, they were both involved in films that were up for the same award at Cannes in '89 (mystery train and do the right thing) and Spike Lee did threaten to beat John Lurie's other good friend Wim Wenders (who was an imaginary guest on imaginary season 2) with a baseball bat, so I'm sure they'd have plenty to talk about. And both Lee and Lurie are important figures in the NYC film scene, so it does make some sense. Plus i doubt Spike Lee has ever fished in his life, so this would be funny.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER

I know some people are getting tired of Christopher Nolan’s Batman series being placed on a pedestal and looked upon as the only standard for current super hero films, but some of the most successful films have borrowed a thing or 2 from it. In Captain America’s case, it was the importance placed on the origin of the main character and the pacing of the story. It didn’t have the same issues as ‘X-Men 3’, ‘Wolverine’ or ‘Spiderman 3’. It didn’t try to cram a bunch of shit in to two hours or try to get all “artsy” like Ang Lee did with the Hulk (sorry but that’s what you get when you hire an “art house” director to make a superhero film). ‘Captain America’ was over 2 hours which gave plenty of time to tell the story without having to rush. And there was only ONE villain to focus on. And at the same time, ‘Captain America’ didn’t try to be like ‘Batman Begins’ or ‘The Dark Knight’ as far as being a “gritty” dark retelling. The film contains a decent amount of campiness and corniness that one should expect from a super hero movie like this. Captain America is not only Marvel’s “Golden Boy” or “Superman”, but he’s also a symbol of patriotism (sorry to sound so corny), so you shouldn’t expect for the filmmaker to go all “dark” and “brooding” with this one (which is what I’m worried this new Spiderman revamp is going to try to be like). At times Chris Evan’s overally patriotic performance seems a little forced with lines like; "there are men laying down their lives every day. I’ve got no right to do any less than them", but at the same time it is Captain America we’re talking about here. The feel of the film, set in the early 1940’s, is slightly cartoonish yet at the same time has a somewhat grainy/grayish look to give it an authentic “old timey” feel.
In the film Chris Evans plays Steve Rogers: A small & weak yet patriotic American who’s chosen for a secret experiment to turn him in to a super soldier to fight a sub division of the Nazi’s called “Hydra”, led by Hitler’s right hand man “Red Skull” (played by Hugo Weaving), who has the same powers & abilities as Steve Rogers/Captain America (both characters went under the same experiment). At first, Captain America is paraded around the country and used as a sideshow attraction instead of being used to fight in the war. But after he proves himself by saving a group of U.S. soldiers, he’s given the chance to fight alongside the other soldiers. In the beginning, Hugo Weaving comes off as a typical Nazi Villain straight outta Indiana Jones. But once he embraces the classic Red Skull skeleton face look, he gives a great performance. The film also delivers an actual showdown between the hero and villain, which is something some directors of comic book movies still don’t seem to realize is an important thing. At the end of the day, people wanna see a fight. No one wasn’t to see the Hulk jump through clouds & lightning. No one wants to see Wolverine investigate or play detective. This is one reason why I’m anticipating ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ as Bane is the main villain who, although is very smart and a criminal mastermind, is a physical character (a wrestler to be specific). So I’m hoping for some kind of a fight or showdown between him and Batman.
Anyway, ‘Captain America’ was the best 3D experience I’ve had in the theater so far (the only other movie that rivals it would be ‘Thor’). Between ‘Avatar’ and Werner Herzog’s ‘Cave Of Forgotten Dreams’, Captain America seemed to be the only film where I didn’t feel like I had keep taking of my glasses every 10 minutes. It really added to the action, which looked great. The vibe of the movie may have been slightly corny, but Captain America’s fighting scenes looked great.
This movie also tied the Avengers story together more than any other film in the series. Besides the obvious Nick Jackson/Samuel Fury cameo (I seriously hope at this point in the game you don’t consider this a spoiler), Howard Stark was an important supporting character. He was one of the scientists that turns Steve Rogers in to Captain America, and he also helps the Captain out on a critical mission to save a group of U.S. Soldiers captured by Red Skull’s army. Also, Odin (Thor’s father) is referenced heavily at the beginning of the film by Red Skull.

A reference to Thor: Red Skull w/ Odin's cosmic cube

A reference to Ironman: Howard Stark in 'Captain America'

Avengers Reference Nick Fury's cameo

‘Captain America’ was definitely a sigh of relief as this is the last solo Avengers story leading up to the joint film which I now have faith in thanks to not only this but ‘Thor’ as well.

SOMETIMES CITY (NEW DOCUMENTARY FROM TOM JARMUSCH)

A few months ago i had the pleasure of seeing all the films in the Tom Jarmusch program at Anthology Film Archives. Whether you're familiar with him or not, many of you reading this have seen Tom Jarmusch's work behind the camera (and sometimes in front of) on other recognizable independent films like; 'Stranger Than Paradise', 'Down By Law', 'Leningrad Cowboys Meet Moses', 'Living In Oblivion' & 'Johnny Suede'. Although they both work under a minimalist style and have similar themes and actors (Bill Rice, Chris Parker, A.R.E. Weapons/TV Baby), Tom's films are a bit more raw and experimental than his brother Jim's. The program consisted of his short films from the 80's & 90's, leading up to his most recent film; 'Sometimes City' (2010), a documentary about his hometown of Cleveland Ohio. The documentary, which was shot with what seemed like an old 16mm camera, is very good but doesn't give much hope about the future of Cleveland (or the many other places in America just like it). There isn't much structure to the film (which i personally didn't have a problem with), but at the same time you don't feel lost or disoriented. The documentary explores the history of the city (without coming off like a PBS special), its economic state, segregation within the city and the poverty stricken neighborhoods. I've never been to Cleveland, but for some reason i honestly believe that Tom represented the city well with his wide range of interviewee's from all different walks of life (teenage gang members, soccer moms, shemale prostitutes, old school bohemians and comic book legend Harvey Pekar). As i was watching this documentary, i couldn't help but think about a funny encounter that happened to me last year. When i was in Chicago visiting some friends, we were out eating at a restaurant late night and somehow this random couple ended up sitting with us (i still don't remember how that happened). But the boyfriend, who was from Akron, couldn't stop talking about Lebron James and how he's the heart of the city and the biggest thing to come out of Cleveland. Naturally the movie nerd in me was quite insulted that he didn't acknowledging Jim Jarmusch (only someone like me would put Jim Jarmusch & Lebron James on the same level). So for the next 10 minutes i went on a rant/history lesson about Jim Jarmusch and his importance in the world of American Independent film. I said; "Since you're in to sports so much, I'll say this...Jim Jarmusch, who's from Akron, is the Isaiah Thomas of Independent film". From that analogy the boyfriend promised to look into this "Jim Jarmosh guy" when he got home (although he probably didn't).

Eraserhead

Anyway, seeing how bad some parts of Cleveland were in Tom's documentary made me think; "if Cleveland is this bad, then Detroit must really be as bad as people say it is". No matter how racially divided Cleveland may be (and it is), everyone seems to be struggling regardless of race, which is kinda sad that even when you're poor you still manage to find the energy to be racist and/or segregated. But there's still a little glimmer of hope. One of the main subjects/interviewee's is an Andrei Tarkovsky-look a like Russian immigrant who owns a few small businesses. And what's so amazing about the Cleveland residents is that almost everyone Jarmusch interviews has an amazing amount of Cleveland pride no matter how bad their surroundings are. I swear, some areas that we see in the film look they hadn't changed since the 1970's. Other areas in the documentary looked like the factory warehouse landscapes at the beginning of 'Eraserhead' (which, according to David Lynch, was supposed to represent Philadelphia. Another city with its share of rough parts).
Clearly Jarmusch cares about his hometown or he wouldn't have made this film. Unfortunately, and even Tom said this himself at the Q&A after the screening, this film wont get the kind of release that a Morgan Spurlock or Michael Moore documentary would get (according Tom, the film had only played at one other festival and at a few small art shows here & there). Thank god 'Sometimes City' got some exposure playing in a theater like Anthology Film Archives. I look forward to seeing it again.

OLD FLUD REVIEWS PART FIVE: I'M STILL HERE, BEST WORST MOVIE, WINNEBAGO MAN & HUMAN CENTIPEDE

Hopefully you guys have been checking out my reviews for the flud watches website in addition to this blog. The content from the old flud website is gone, but thankfully i saved everything. Here's the 5th installment of older reviews that aren't up anymore. And make sure to check out the new flud site if you haven't already...http://www.fludwatches.com/


I'M STILL HERE

Lemme start off by saying that I’m still amazed people think this movie is real. No one can honestly think this movie is serious. There’s too many people close to Joaquin Phoenix to let him follow in the same footsteps as his late brother. This movie is nothing but an elaborate prank, similar to something Andy Kaufman would pull. I’m Still Here, a mockumentary about Joaquin’s Phoenix’s (so called) retirement from acting to pursue a rap career, is obviously not the first to do what it did. John Malkovich (Being John Malkovich), Bruce Willis (What Just Happened), Paul Giamatti (Cold Souls), Werner Herzog (Incident At Lochness) and many more have all poked fun at themselves in fictional films, but as far as I'm concerned, Phoenix has surpassed them all with his performance in I’m Still Here. The film, directed by Casey Affleck, follows a bearded, paranoid, drug addicted Joaquin Phoenix just after finishing whats supposed to be his final film (Two Lovers). Out of nowhere, he decides he tired of acting and wants to be a rapper, and have P Diddy produce his album (his first two choices; rick rubin & dr dre were booked). The first half of the movie shows Phoenix, Affleck and the rest of their entourage trying to track down Diddy in a quest that takes them from L.A. to NYC to Miami and back to L.A., where the two finally meet in one of the most memorable scenes in the movie, where Phoenix plays Diddy his “demo”. Puffy’s facial expressions while listening to Phoenix’s tracks are priceless. Its obvious that some of the celebrities who make appearances in the film weren’t in on it. But other actors like; Ben Stiller, Edward James Olmos and Diddy are all obviously acting. Like I said earlier this movie is an elaborate prank. Its just Juaquin Phoenix and Casey Affleck poking fun at the film industry, the music industry and the media in general. Nothing new. I know. However, what sets this film apart from others is Phoenix’s acting (that's right ACTING. Please didn't forget this is not real). When you see I'm Still Here, put this performance up against all Phoenix’s other roles, and you’ll realize (like I did) what kind of range he has an an actor. Bottom line, I’m Still Here has everything. Drugs, hookers, fights and someone even gets shit on. Literally. And although the ending does drag on a bit (In fact the movie could have been 20 mintutes shorter). This is the most entertaining movie Ive seen so far this year next to Inception and Machete.

BEST WORST MOVIE

If you had HBO in the early 90’s there’s a good chance that you caught a movie on at either 11am or 3am on any given weekday called; Troll 2. That’s how I discovered it. I remember the first time I saw Troll 2, and even at the age of 9, I knew there was something a little “off ” about this movie. Over the last 3 years or so, Troll 2 has slowly become the most popular new cult movie of this era, and has kept the tradition of the “midnight movie” going, that was made popular in the 70’s thanks to movies like; Eraserhead, Night of The Living Dead, El Topo and The Harder They Come. It’s been dubbed everything from “the worst movie ever” (according to IMDB) to “the rocky horror picture show for the myspace generation”. Almost 2 decades after the release of the movie, Child “Actor” and star of Troll 2, Michael Stephenson, made this well crafted documentary that only cements Troll 2’s cult status even more. In Best Worst Movie, Stephenson chronicles the new found popularity of Troll 2 and catches up with his former cast members from the movie. The documentary mainly focuses on “actor”/dentist George Hardy (who played the father in the movie), and his new found cult celebrity status. The documentary, which was shot over a few years takes them to midnight movie screenings and conventions all over the world. I hate to use such a cliché line, but this documentary really does have everything. It’s obviously funny, and there are a lot of hilarious and memorable scenes. I found the funniest part to be when Stephenson finally finds the “director” of Troll 2, who just can’t seem to understand the craze behind this horrible little movie he made many years ago. But there are also a few parts I found that were kinda sad, like when Stephenson catches up with actors Margo Prey and Robert Ormsby, who played the mother and grandfather in Troll 2. These parts of the film really even out all the comedy in Best Worst Movie and make it a well rounded film. Michael Stephenson may have been a horrible actor as a kid, but I think he’s really found his calling as a documentary filmmaker.

WINNEBAGO MAN

Along with Best Worst Movie, this is the best documentary I’ve seen so far this year. Winnebago Man follows former Winnebago salesman; Jack Rebney, and documents how “the worlds most angriest man” deals with his new found popularity as a “youtube celebrity” after an old embarrassing video of him surfaces on youtube and becomes a big hit. The video, for those of you who haven’t seen it, are hilarious outtakes of Jack Rebney, cursing and swearing between messed up takes of a commercial he’s trying to make for the Winnebago company. What sets the Winnebago man video apart from others like; Tay Zonday or The Star Wars Kid is that not only is it one of the earliest videos to become famous on youtube, but it was also a pretty famous video on the underground vhs tape trading circuit along with other stuff like faces of death, which was around long before youtube. Early on in the film, we see that the same guy from those Winnebago bloopers is just as angry today. Jack Rebney is easily one of the most unique and interesting people I’ve seen explored in a documentary. EVERYTHING agitates him, any little thing sets him off, every other word he speaks is either; fuck or shit and he hates almost everything about modern-day society ranging from; politics, Dick Cheney, technology and pretty human beings in general. At times his behavior almost seems like a mild case of tourettes syndrome. Now, I mentioned Best Worst Movie earlier, because these 2 documentaries really go hand-in-hand in with one another. Both films document “ordinary” people dealing with a (sometimes unwanted) cult status, but eventually coming to terms with it. Both films also follow their subjects around to festivals and screenings dedicated to them, as well as document the interaction they have with their fans. The only difference between Jack Rebney and the subjects of Best Worst Movie is that Rebney is much more difficult to deal with than the easy going cast members of Troll 2. My one and only issue with this documentary is that for a character study that this film is, we don’t really get much info about Rebney’s past, mainly due to the fact that he absolutely refused to discuss any of that. But what the film lacks in information about Rebney’s past, it makes up with just about everything else. There’s hardly a boring moment, and as corny as it sounds, it may even make you wanna reflect on your own life or someone you know like Jack Rebney.

HUMAN CENTIPEDE

If the goal of Human Centipede was to be a dark comedy, then it kinda succeeded. Unfortunately I’m pretty sure we’re supposed to take this movie seriously, which is impossible. Human Centipede is a disturbing twist on a classic horror plot. Two vulnerable, female American tourists get a flat tire in the middle of the woods and are taken in out of the rain by the nearest resident who happens to be a retired medical doctor that specialized in removing Siamese twins. Next thing the girls know, they’re drugged and eventually awaken to find themselves strapped to a bed along with one other person who’s also been kidnapped. It turns out the doctor is fucking insane, and has been experimenting on animals by stitching them together in an effort to make a “centipede” out of them. After his last successful experiment of stitching 3 dogs together, he decides to take it to the next level and try it out on 3 humans, thus creating a “human centipede”. This movie holds nothing back as far as blood and violence go. There is some pretty good cinematography, and the leader actor who plays the crazy doctor is entertaining, but the plot is so fucking stupid none of that other shit matters. The acting from the 2 female leads is just awful. The last half of the movie is just them squealing and screaming for 40 minutes. And the ending is depressing as shit. This movie got a lot of obvious attention because of the crazy plot. I’m sure most of you who decide to check this out will be asking yourself; “why am I watching this”, halfway through the movie.